1. Column: One Chord Progression - Cudzoo & the Faggettes

    By Tony Lofi and Anna Anabolic

    One Chord Progression talks to the sassy and sparkly ladies of Cudzoo & the Faggettes from New York who released an album of retropop gold on Drug Front Records earlier this year. Catch them this Saturday with Mark Sultan and The Naked Heros for the Concert Cruise Aboard the Star of Palm

    Who are you?

    Cudzoo & The Faggettes. Cudzoo: Ebomb, Jtrain, and Mametown. Faggettes: Dr. Eviler, Beauxberry Muff, and Le Toni-Loaffy. Your mom probably warned you about us. We probably boned your dad. And your brother. And your bi-curious sister.

    Who are you wearing?

    Floor length beaded gowns and whiskey that Jennifer Aniston spilled on us at a party last night. One of us also has some Cheetos orange smeared across her chest.

    What’s a Cudzoo and what’s a Faggette? Answer in drawing form, please.

    Dirtiest lyric you ever wrote?

    That is really tough. Everything we say sounds like it was written in the bathroom stall of a sailor prison, but ‘I’LL HAVE ANOTHER A-B-O-R-T-I-O-N! VACUUM OUT MY PUSSY TODAY!’ is pretty shocking when sung in barbershop-esque a capella three-part harmony. That’s the song that started it all. God Bless abortions!

    Sluttiest member of Cudzoo and the Faggettes?

    We are all easier than the math section of the SAT’s for an Asian (SUPER EASY), but probably honorary Faggette Mickey Finn is the sluttiest. He plays keys with us, but only sometimes. Most of the time he can’t because he is too busy being a slut. In general though, we all do the weird stuff.

    Who has the biggest daddy issues in the band?

    Probably whoever is on their period. Guitarist Beauxberry is the moodiest during that time of the month.

    What’s your safety word?

    Ryan Gosling, FUCK ME HARDER.

    How French is your bass player?

    Notre bassiste est si français, il chie des baguettes en forme de la tour Eiffel.

    Favorite John Waters movie?

    FEMALE TROUBLE! The best! Also, E-bomb would like for someone to let John Waters know that she is ready to be his next voluptuous, beautiful, filthy muse. Let him know.

    What’s your message for the kids?

    Don’t ask for permission, beg for forgiveness. And if you eat glitter, you shit sparkles.

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